Move along, Nothing to See Here

My goal as I write this blog is to give the universe bad writing, incomplete thoughts, stupid ideas and my take on my mundane life. I've spent so much time and energy wanting some perfect genius to spring from my computer, onto a canvas, or as I get sworn into a political office where I will lead us to a better world.

I think the only thing I've accomplished is to just drive around with a proverbial load of horseshit.

I realize that these are mules and not horses. But, hopefully you get the idea.

Now that I know I will not be the voice of my generation, hang my art in some great gallery, sing with a band, or do any of the other things I thought my enormous brain, my writing, my art, and my unique (hahaha) political philosophy, I need to just retire. I'm done with all that.

It's time to create for me. My own well-being depends on it and it's high time I get into shape.

Therapy through the years has allowed me to clear away some really crappy psychological clutter and I'm trying to upgrade a bit. One thing that I have a problem with is fighting my inner judge. This judge puts Judge Judy to shame with it's wit and it's forceful truths and leaves me stranded and drowning in unfinished business. So, it's time to shift my way of looking at my desires to do something creative and have fun.

At one time, I held so much promise.

There are three things that alleviate stress in my daily life: writing, creating art, and exercise. How weird to realize this. The problem all along is when I did these things with specific goals in mind, I hated them and these were the things I always put on the back burner thinking that if they weren't tied to big goals, then surely they were a waste of time.

I decided to take a more spiritual approach and do those things simply to do them. No strings attached.

So, here is where I practice my writing. It is mostly bad, definitely unedited, and stripped of any pretension. I merely want to write, to blog, to screw around on blogger. That is all.

I will also be putting some art into practice as well as exercise. All at a base level. I just know now that I need to do these things just for me. It's an experiment. We'll see what happens.

I think I was more creative when I made fun of death.

Some of my best ideas involved dressing up for theme parties.

Attitude and a good haircut was all I needed at one time.

1968

My mom was here last week for a bunch of family events, but we had time to check out the 1968 exhibit at the Oakland Museum. I knew I'd love the history of it, but it was better than I expected. Loved what was curated and they did such a good job of conveying the them of how things changed radically and how this change was brought into the living rooms of America. Such a fascinating time and it turns out, many of my favorite films came out that year in including the original "The Producers."

When you walk in, you enter a 1960s living room with TV and a giant Huey sitting there.

The details were just amazing. Loved the crafted lampshade with the floral print and rick-rack.

I so wanted a Mrs. Beasley doll. I remember watching "A Family Affair" in prime time (gah, I'm old). I also wanted to live in a high rise apartment and have my own Mr. French.
 

The artifacts were TO DIE for. Seriously. Those pins. The sunglasses. The groovy wallpaper. Want!

Man on man on man.

My blogs are scattered like ashes...

I'm nothing special, but I am still kinda fun.

There is one constant about me that I have figured out. I love ideas and starting things, but sticking to them. Well, that's another story. At this point, the only thing that I seemed to have stuck with for a long period of time is my marriage.

I have been trying too hard to blog and after going back and reading this one, I'm thinking I need to get off my high horse and kill my stupid dreams of somehow becoming famous by blogging on some specific thing. I'm not hip. I'm not an expert on anything and I've never just had any sort of hyper focus on anything to really follow the prescribed idea of what blogs should be.

So to hell with that.

At one time, long ago in the early days of the internet and email, I got a job in San Francisco and started writing weekly emails to my friends and family. I'm truly astounded at how unselfconsciously I wrote. Even to the point where I'm kind of freaked out at how open and honest I was in those emails. But, I look back and think it was some of my best, kick ass writing ever.

Now that I'm slumping through middle age, I need to just say shit. And that's what I'm going to do. So, goodbye food blog, and the one that is sort of a cool mom's night out blog. So long to my dreams of blogging about being a moderate liberal who thinks it's all bs.

I need to just observe and write and stop trying to be the voice of my generation. All I have are my words. I'll scatter them across the virtual world and let them float away into binary code infinity.